Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
