So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
