Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
