I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
