HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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