Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
