Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize