he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
