that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
