i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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