I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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