I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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