Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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