oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
