were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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