Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
