I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
