My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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