Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
