found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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