took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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