awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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