I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
