shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
