She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
