i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
