it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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