Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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