Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
