this beer tastes like vomit already
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
