its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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