Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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