The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
