We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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