sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just pee around me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
