I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize