Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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