She said her name was "party"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize