If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
