Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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