I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
