i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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