pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
