I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize