Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
