He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize