i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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