considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
