My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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