he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
