theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
