yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
