You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize