I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
