i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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