That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
