Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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