i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
