saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
