I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
