Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
