I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
