i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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