All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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