I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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