i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
