Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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