I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
