based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
