Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
