that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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