new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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