Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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