A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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