yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
