Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
