I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize