Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Someone signed my nipple.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
