bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
