these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
