There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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