you mean i was at the winter classic?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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