It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
