don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
