I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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