She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
