and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
