also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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