I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
