okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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