I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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