I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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