He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize